Me and my anxiety

It’s a day laden with anxiety for me. I have a bit of an anxiety disorder to start off with; it doesn’t help that I decided to go on an adventure that requires me to contact people and ask them for help. We contacted our first community today and my intestines are all in a tangle. I’m certain they’re going to write back and say ‘hah! not in your life! we only take people who have money’ (which is a completely reasonable thing). So there’s that.

Plus I cut my hair today; at least a foot of it hacked off (and sent in to one of those charities that makes wigs for hairless children) and the rest styled. Everyone says it’s wicked cute, but it was quite an ordeal, sitting there listening to the snip, snip, snip with my heart in my mouth. At least I had Mirra do it- I have a bit of a paranoia about hairdressers.

And now, in a few minutes, I have to join a conference call about how I’m going to do a stand up comedy act at the consortium conference in April. Me, do a stand up comedy act. I’m not sure how I got into this, but I’m scared and kind of excited at the same time. Mostly scared. Hopefully this thing isn’t what I’m pretty sure it is.

Things are going full speed ahead; we only really have a week left with Mirra before she leaves on her trip because the week after is going to be incredibly busy. Then a few days for Alex and I to do whatever last minute things we have to do before I go to the conference and he leaves, and then I have to figure out what I’m going to do. I figure I’ll stick around here for a week or so, hanging out with Claire, and then leave to spend a few weeks with my mom before everyone else gets there. It’s so huge, thinking our lives are going to change so dramatically in such a sort time. And leaving Ionia; I didn’t even consider leaving Ionia a few weeks ago until this idea dropped into my lap, and now I’m getting ready to leave it for a whole year and a half. It’s a lot to fit in my head.

-Gwendolyn

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